long time

It has been so long since ive felt this bad, upset and completely alone. My friends have all stopped speaking to me because im not joining in with the stupid little pointless arguements and im sick of always getting all the blame of them just because i dont take part.
No matter what i do at the moment someone always gets upset or angry at me and its just making me feel like a complete failure/outsider. I have completely neglected SJ today and im really annoyed at myself for it and i really dont deserve her im really lucky she doesnt just dump me because i treat her so badly and im so worried she will find somone better.

I have a 1001 diffrent thoughts running through my head and i need somone to talk them through with but the person i want to talk them through with ive been neglecting all day so proberly wont really want to talk about my problems with me.

I just wish i could get a day where i get everything right and maybe not be such a failure in my self.
Bit of a rant but i had to get it all out of my head.

cant wait for tommorrow

I had a really bad start today i just felt so ill and couldnt think or focus xxxxxxx
Then i really struggled in the gym this afternoon and started feeling really unfit and strained xxxxxx
After college i went into town and i saw my birth mums ex boyfriend the one who use to hit me when i was three and throw glass at my mum and sister and her threatend to kill me and my sister xxxxxxxx and tried to kill my mum xxxxxxxxx
SJ has really made me feel better though being on the phone to her even just for a short time and speaking abit on skype not as much as either of us would have like but we have both been busy hopefully we will have a long convo tomoz xxxxxxxxxx

Tired

I am absolutly shattered xxxxxx I had swimming this morning and then the gym xxxxx and i had refereeing this afternoon xxxxxxxxx and i feel so ill so the swimming and the gym were really hard and really took it out of me xxxxxx then the refereeing i got punched in the face when i sent a player off and nearly passed out xxxxxxxx

This evening ive been really getting more of my assingments out the way and watching Xfactor xxxxxxx me and SJ havent really spoken much today because she had work and then this evening shes been busy so hasnt really been able to talk much xxxxxxxxx

Im really feeling :/ at the moment but im happy too because SJ is able to come down at half term :) xxxxxxx and i can go to her birthday xxxxxxx i want to talk to her about whats wrong but shes busy and i dont want to take her out of her happy mood by making her worry about me being all emotional xxxxxxxx

supportive day

Ive spent the day working on getting all my assignements done to make sure im finshed xxxxxxxxx ive been supporting SJ and cheering her up alot today as shes been up and down all day xxxxxxxx she means everything to me and i wish we could spend more time together our future is together forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx i cant wait to get this distence gone xxxxxxx

perfect girlfriend

Tonight has been so good i had a really long conversation on the phone with SJ and it was just like we always used to have and i loved it xxxxx we spoke about loads of little things but it meant the world to me and we really need to do it more often because recently things have just got in the way and i hate it but were back to being as perfect as ever xxxxxxxx i love her to pieces and she is everything ive wanted and more xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

painful day

I have not enjoyed today i had my Pe AS level at hardyes which was really intresting but i was just tired so it was so annoying xxxxxx i then went back to college for our theroy lessons there but everyone was mucking around so our teacher cancelled it which annoyed me as i actully really like that lesson it really intrests me xxxxxxxxxxx

i also got beaten up today and which ment ive been in so much pain all night xxxxxxxx and now im really upset because SJ isnt smiling or happy and none of the useal things are working to make her smile xxxxxx so now thats making me all depressed too and i dont know how to cheer her up right now xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

average day

My day started of really well with private studies as i managed to get a whole assignment done in the three hours so i only have one to go in the two weeks i have left xxxxxxx
I also typed up alot of my notes so that i had them all typed up so there easier to read xxxxx
At lunch time i made friends with a kid who gets bullied be cause he has somthing that makes his mind really imaginative and hes living in a dream world so i got really good friends with him and that meant everyone else accepted him i am really popular at college and i love it :) xxxxxxxx

I then played in the match this afternoon against the richard huish academy from taunton xxxxxxx we scored two goals where they were curled all the way in from the corner flags and then we conceded one in the first half xxx then in the second half we conceded another and then i got subbed on xxxxx about 23 seconds after i got subbed on i hit the post and then 2 minutes later hit the crossbar another minute and i managed to score xxxxxxxx i also had another two goals dissallowed for offside both of which were on and a goal dissallowed for handball and i got to obvious penaltys ignored and we went on to lose 7-3 which just brought me down xxxxxxxx but i did get man of the match which made me smile alot xxxxxxxx

Ive been spending the whole day putting on a happy face and not showing that all i really want to do is curl up and cry contiously im surprised i even played well when i have been distracted all day and its been so hard to act normal and hide behind a mask of a smile all day long xxxxxxx its the anniversary of the day my aunty margret hung herself and im still distraught i just wish she could have seen me play today xxxxxxxx

:/ day

I had a horrible trip to the hospital today i fainted when i saw there needle and still got injected xxxxxx
but on the bright side my ankle is now fine xxxxxxx

i had a really good training session and showed them what i can do xxxxx still not quite on top form but getting there xxxxxxx match tommorrow so i can really show my ability in front of scouts and fingers crossed impress them xxxxxx

I came home and relised someone had text SJ of my phone and told her it was over and i have never been so worried in my life i thought id lost her for good and i didnt know what i was going to do xxxx ive finally sorted it with SJ and i think were okay now xxxxxx i think shes happy now which is good xxxxxxx im never letting her go she is the only person i ever want to be with xxxxx and i want the rest of my life to be with her xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Week 2

I started this new blog because my other one had depressive posts and was getting neglected xxxxxxxx
and this one will have all my stuff about college on xxxxxxxx
Me and SJ are better then ever and ive never been so happy in my life xxxxxx I get to see her in october for our family canal tour and then again in november about 2 weeks later for her birthday meal and were staying in a carvan together i really cant wait xxxxxxxxxx
College is really good and im loving it xxxxx im really glad i chose the football course and i can maxmise my chances of getting a career as a player xxxxxxx im having an operation tommorrow to sort our my ankle and then im back to top form and can show these coaches and some academy scouts just what i can really do xxxxxxxxxxxxx